For the last decade, I’ve been working hard to heal my trauma from domestic childhood abuse and growing up as the child of an alcoholic. But it’s only in recent years that I’ve also come to realize that my father’s gambling habits affected me in ways that I wasn’t aware of.
It seems to me that gambling and alcoholism tend to go hand in hand, so it’s not unusual for an alcoholic to also have a gambling problem. Even from a young age, I was able to understand that my mom worked very hard, and my father would come home and demand money, only to lose it gambling. Though we lived a modest middle-class life, I was unaware that it was largely due to help from my grandparents. I was always worried that we would lose everything. My mother did her best to reassure me, but her reassurances indirectly taught me not to trust my instincts, which later led me to make many costly mistakes.
I also grew up with a lack of stability, always feeling that life could be cruel and unfair without reason. This sense of hopelessness, of being a victim of my father’s mistakes, made me feel very small, worthless and weak. I felt ashamed of my father comparing him to my friends’ hard working parents. My thoughts, my fears, and sometimes even my academic achievements were ignored and daily life depended on my father’s moods. I felt trapped and suffocated unable to escape from the stress, anxiety and fear.
If you grew up in a similar household, here are some ways that growing up as the child of a gambler might have affected you.
Emotional Instability and Anxiety
Children of gamblers often experience high levels of anxiety and emotional instability. The unpredictable financial situation and the constant fear of losing everything create a stressful environment, leading to chronic anxiety and difficulty managing emotions later in life. According to a study by the National Council on Problem Gambling, children of gamblers are more likely to experience anxiety disorders.
Financial Insecurity
Financial instability is a common issue in households with a gambling parent. My mother had to hide money, and when she refused to give it to my father, it would result in physical violence. This fear of financial instability can persist into adulthood, making it difficult to feel secure even when finances are stable.
Trust Issues
Growing up in a household where promises are frequently broken and money is often missing can lead to significant trust issues. As adults, children of gamblers might find it hard to trust others, fearing betrayal or disappointment. This can affect personal and professional relationships, making it hard to form deep connections.
Risk of Addictive Behaviors
Children of gamblers are at a higher risk of developing addictive behaviors themselves. The National Center for Responsible Gaming found that children of gamblers are more likely to engage in gambling or other addictive behaviors. This cycle of addiction can at time continue through generations if not addressed.
Emotional Neglect and Low Self-Worth
The focus on the gambler’s needs often means that children’s emotional needs are neglected. This can lead to feelings of low self-worth and inadequacy. When a child’s achievements and feelings are ignored, they may grow up believing that they don’t matter. This can result in a lack of confidence and difficulty asserting themselves in various aspects of life.
Coping Mechanisms
Surviving such an environment often means developing coping mechanisms that are not always healthy. Children of gamblers might become overly responsible, taking on adult roles at a young age. Alternatively, they might detach emotionally as a way to protect themselves from the constant stress and disappointment.
Hope and Healing
If you grew up like me, in a household marked by gambling and instability, I have learned that the impact of these experiences is significant, but it doesn’t have to define our future. It helped me to acknowledge my feelings. Therapy and support groups provided a safe space to process my experiences and develop healthier coping strategies. Organizations like Gam-Anon offer support to those affected by a loved one’s gambling.
It was never any of our faults, and sometimes life is just unfair. But surviving that is a sign of our strength and resilience. Remember, you are not alone, and there is always hope for a better, more stable future. If you’re struggling, therapy or online support groups can help you on your healing journey.
